Presbyterian Man Escapes New Church Once Hand-Clapping Starts
Church · May 17, 2016 · BabylonBee.com

ELKHART, IN - Jon Brogman has attended a Presbyterian Church his whole life. So it was quite a shock to find himself surrounded by "hand-clapping hyper-charismatics" during a first-time visit to Main Street Christian Church in Elkhart Sunday.

Brogman, who reluctantly attended the church while visiting his cousin, was stunned to discover a worship leader leading the congregation in a rendition of Phil Wickham's "This Is Amazing Grace." Despite the aggressive tone of the song, Brogman managed to sing along, until the individuals around him began clapping semi-rhythmically to the song.

"You could have knocked me over with a feather," a troubled Brogman recounted to reporters. "Everyone was doing it - men, women, kids. I didn't know it, but apparently my cousin Franklin is a far-gone charismatic wacko. Of course I slipped out during the pre-sermon worship. I had to avoid the angel-waking shofars and snake handling which were sure to come."

Brogman says while the church members were friendly, he knows a slippery slope when he sees one. "Hand clapping? What's next, a fire tunnel or gold dust from the ventilation ducts?"

"A church that claps hands on Sunday, burns hymnals on Monday," he added.


Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now